The only time, I repeat – ONLY – time that I’m excited to be graduating law school is when I’m on Facebook late at night and I see what my high school and undergraduate classmates are up to. Then, for approximately 30 seconds, I contemplate posting something like “Guess who’s about to graduate lawwwwwww schoool? Yeah, that’s right, me. Suck it bitches.” But, I never ever go through with it.
For one, my victory dance would be terribly short-lived. The follow-up “congratulations” would be overshadowed by the dreaded “what are you plans for afterwards?”
Well, uh, as I’m unemployed and my current plans involve taking the bar exam and becoming a vagabond on the national mall I don’t really want to talk about it.
“But you went to law school” They’ll say. “Don’t you have a job lined up?” They’ll ask. See, they’re confused. Largely because the general population thinks everyone that goes to law school comes out with a silver spoon in their mouth and a job in hand, ready to make six figures and drive a Porche.
So, when I hesitantly reply “Well the job market is sort of terrible right now, and I’ll have student debt coming out my eyeballs…” they scoff and say “well it’s your fault for going to law school.”
And well, they’re sort of right. I did chose to go to law school. I did know the economy wasn’t stellar in 2010. Though it had shown signs of growth in specific sectors. Except – there’s one small thing. It’s really a tiny thing. And believe me, I’m not trying to blame shift but – I never expected to make six figures. From the beginning, my life plan included exactly one thing: working for the United States Government.
Guess what doesn’t happen during a sequester? Working for the government. Hell even current government employees can’t get paid to work for the government. They’re furloughing the shit out of people here in DC. Annnnnd hiring is virtually frozen.
So, my life plans drastically changed when that happened. And now I’m going to be a drunk vagabond living in a box fort on the national mall. Potentially offering pro bono legal advice if Virginia deigns to grant me bar admission. Provided I can pass character and fitness after this little confessional.
Second, there is no proper way to convey “I swear I’m not an elitist snob now that I’m about to graduate law school, but I’m sort of an elitist snob who now disdains all liberal arts majors despite being a former liberal arts majors.”
Lastly, in law school you never post your accomplishments – you just sit and wait patiently for someone else to congratulate you while adding hints in the most passive-aggressive manner possible. Well, I guess you can post your accomplishments. But then you’re that asshole.
So, instead, I sit here counting down the tasks that lay between me and graduation wondering if the pictures of me in my cap and gown will be attractive enough to passive aggressively post on Facebook while I fish for congratulations from the crowd. Because, really, I want to feel good about this thing that I’ve accomplished in my life. But I really, really, really don’t want to talk about my (un)employment status.
Unless of course I get a job. But let’s get real, I’m not that asshole. I’m not going to post that on Facebook. I’m going to wait until a friend strategically congratulates me like a neurotic passive aggressive freak. I swear, only law students can be this self-important and insecure at the same time.
Missing, Presumed Unemployed 